The Persuasion Secret No One Talks AboutFeb 13, 2023
You’re single and 3 years into your finance career after finishing college.
You invite your close friend Greg to kick it on a Friday night.
You know, to throw back some Jack and Cokes, play darts, listen to classic rock, and shoot the shit.
Things you both enjoy. Especially on a Friday to wind down after the long week.
As you’re wrapping up your last workday of the week, you get excited to enjoy the night.
Then Greg texts you: “Sorry man, got an invite to go downtown and won’t make it tonight.”
First, you’re bummed. Then, you get angry.
“What a dick. A real friend wouldn’t bail on me like this.”
It ruins your night and causes permanent damage to your relationship.
What a shame.
Sadly, this is a common theme in relationships.
But I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be this way.
Sure, some people are dickheads and there’s nothing you can do about it.
But not always. In fact, it’s not all that common.
When friends upset you, there’s usually more to the story.
A side of them that, once you understand, makes all their actions make sense.
And once you learn this, everything changes.
So let’s find out:
Should you be mad at Greg?
The Key to Understanding People
Let’s turn your imagination back on:
Right after getting mad at Greg for bailing, a wizard with a long white beard gives you a scroll.
Scribbled in cursive with an ink-blotted quill, it reads:
Greg’s #1 goal in life is to get a girlfriend.
He struggled to attract women in college, which left him insecure and deepened his desire to seek their affection.
It’s on his mind 24/7. He spends hours every week learning about human psychology and social skills to get better at attracting women.
When he got an invitation to go downtown tonight, he couldn’t turn it down. Because it was an opportunity to pursue his biggest goal.
A chance to meet women and get better at talking to (and attracting) them.
He likes hanging out with you. But nothing is more important than learning to attract women and proving it by getting a girlfriend.
How would you feel after reading this?
Are you still angry at Greg?
Or does it make so much sense that it’d be unfair to judge him for following his goal?
And if you knew this ahead of time, would you be better prepared?
Would you invite Greg over knowing that, even if he accepted, there would be a chance he’d change his mind?
And could you be okay with that (possibly by creating a backup plan)?
This is a tiny sliver of the benefits of understanding people.
But before we get onto the others, you need to know one thing:
Everyone sees the world through the lens of their biggest goals.
Knowing People’s Goals Can Change Your Life
Lifehack:— Rob Riker (@robertgriker) February 11, 2023
Determine a person’s #1 most important goal
This is the lens through which they see the world
You’ll understand them, connect, and help them significantly more
I already showed you how to achieve your goals.
But now it's time to focus on other people's goals (which helps you get what you want).
Let me repeat myself:
People see the world through the lens of their biggest goals.
When you understand this, you get better at:
- Helping them
- Energizing them
- Persuading them
- Connecting with them
- Understanding their decisions
This has a profound impact on your life.
- You network better.
- You build stronger relationships.
- You get more clients.
- Your clients succeed more.
- You have more empathy.
- People listen to you more.
- People like you more.
And you become emotionally strong. Other people’s actions rarely hurt you anymore.
It might be the most crucial concept you learn this decade.
Ignoring People’s Goals Leads to Trouble
Let’s imagine another scenario:
You’re married with young kids and looking to buy a house with your wife.
But she doesn’t like the houses you like. And you don’t like the ones she does.
This leads to frustration and arguments, hurting your marriage.
Maybe your wife’s goal as a mother is to give her kids the best life possible.
She’s looking for big backyards, a young neighborhood, playrooms, and good setups for the kids’ rooms.
Sure, you want that too. But you know your kids don’t need every little thing to be perfect to have a good life.
Your biggest goal is succeeding with your side hustle. You want to leave the 9-5 you hate and give yourself an opportunity to scale your business and create wealth.
This is how you plan to provide the best life for you and your family.
When you see houses, you need a home office, a big garage to build your home gym, and a space to feed your creative muse.
You and your wife have different visions. So you want different things in your dream house.
And it’s a problem if you don’t address this.
Can This Fix Your Marriage?
What if you and your wife came together to understand exactly what the other wants?
You tell her that your #1 goal is to build a business to create the best life for you and the family.
She tells you that she wants the best life for your kids.
You both agree that you respect the other person’s goals and will work to help them out.
You both decide that a home office and garage gym are a must. You both agree that a backyard and playroom are a must.
But you both agree to give in a little.
Maybe you don’t need a three-car garage because you’re willing to park your truck outside and use one stall for your gym.
Maybe she doesn’t need a huge backyard, just one that’s big enough. And the kid’s rooms don’t have to have a Jack-and-Jill bathroom setup.
And you accept that you don’t need a room for your creative muse because you can merge that with your office.
She appreciates you for listening and making sacrifices. And vice versa.
This can be the difference between a good and bad marriage.
Other Ways People’s Goals Help You
Maybe you get the point, but I want to drive it home.
People LOVE talking about things that matter to them.
If you meet a parent and ask about their kids, I bet they’ll light up and have plenty to talk about.
Too many fitness trainers jump the gun. They ask people if they want help getting in shape, only to receive little interest.
What if, instead, they first find out what’s important to the other person?
And only then do they position their coaching as the solution. They’d give themselves a much better chance at landing a client.
For example, you find out Brittany cares deeply about her career. As you talk about it, her energy rises and her eyes light up.
She’s strategic with her plans to climb the corporate ladder. She finds ways to gain credibility and visibility in her company.
You ask her what’s holding her back.
She’s stressed. She’s often tired and out of energy because she works herself to death.
And she’s worried that it's hurting her performance and ability to succeed.
What if you tell her that she reminds you of a client?
You share your client’s similar story.
You explain that your fitness program led to success in the workplace.
How your client went from stressed to confident, from depleted to energized. How upper management commented on their new work ethic.
And how it led to a big promotion (don’t lie if this never happened).
Think this would interest Brittany? Who knows. But the odds are significantly better.
When you know a person’s biggest goal, you understand what matters to them.
When you speak in terms of those goals — whether it’s to turn them into a client or simply connect with them — they WANT to listen.
They’re hooked and enjoy every second of it.
Because they think about this more than anything else.
Talking about, learning, dissecting, and finding potential solutions to their goals matters to them.
It fuels them more than anything else.
How My Clients Use This to Grow Their Coaching Businesses
On discovery calls, I often talk to people who want to leave their 9-5. But they don’t all share the same reason for WHY they want to leave.
I could leave it at that and say, “I’ll help you build a coaching business so you can leave your 9-5.”
But many wouldn’t join my coaching programs.
Instead, I dig in and find out exactly what their goals are, like:
- Having no cap on their income
- More control over their income
- Not being dependent on employment (or at risk of getting fired for something out of their control)
- Creating an impact that matters to them
- Doing work they enjoy
- Control over their schedule
- Control over their work tasks (and which ones they can outsource)
- Building an asset that grows rather than trading time for money
- Giving themselves an exciting challenge
- Developing skills they can leverage and scale
- Choosing who they work with
And there are plenty more.
If my program can help them achieve their goal, I show them how.
They’re invested now because it aligns with what they want deep down.
When my clients follow this path, their results improve.
They find out a person’s deepest desires and, if their coaching can help them with that goal, they show them how.
They don’t need to be pushy.
They just let them know it exists. If they're confident it could help, they say so.
Those who want to learn more become hot leads.
And many hot leads turn into clients.
3 Steps to Change Your Life Forever
It's not hard to harness the power of people’s goals.
If you want to connect, persuade, and energize other people, follow these three steps:
1. Become interested in people’s goals.
If you don’t care to learn about people’s goals, you won’t.
Develop a fascination for understanding what makes people tick (their biggest goals).
Even if it’s not a topic that interests you, it can be a blast learning why it means so much to them.
Make it a goal to find out what others care about. Once you do it becomes much easier.
2. Find their biggest goal.
There are two important skills for learning what people care about:
- Asking good questions
- Paying attention to what energizes them
You can dive straight in and ask, “what’s your most important goal?”
But you don't have to.
There are thousands of other questions to get you closer. Here are a few:
- “What do you like to do on the weekend?”
- “If you had $100MM, what would you do with your free time?”
- “What’s matters more than anything else to you right now?”
- “What’s the one thing on your mind more than anything else?”
Then, keep digging:
- “Why is that?”
- “What makes it so important?”
- “Is there anything else you care about more?”
But there’s more to it than this.
You need to pay attention to their energy:
- Do their eyes light up?
- Do they speak faster, louder, or with more enthusiasm?
- Are they smiling?
People sometimes say things matter but you can tell they don't.
There's no excitement in their voice or expressions.
You can point it out by saying, “Really? You don’t seem that interested when talking about it?”
You need to find the thing that’s truly important.
By asking good questions and paying attention to their energy, you have a good shot at doing it.
3. Talk about it.
Sure, you want to find their biggest goal, but you also need to relate and connect.
Don’t make it an interview where you only ask questions.
- Your thoughts, beliefs, or perspectives
- Related stories
- Clients or friends who share this goal
If they love ice skating, it doesn't matter that you’ve never been.
You can still find out why it matters so much to them.
And you can relate to the feelings and desires that drive them.
This may seem like the easiest 3-step process you’ve ever learned.
But it might be the most important too.
P.S. This is the last week to join my new program, the $5K Coaching Fast Track at a $1,400 discount.
The program starts Feb. 20, and prices rise to $4,900 once it begins.
What is it?
The easiest system to build an online coaching business, make your first $5K, and do it every month.
You'll learn how to
- Choose your niche
- Verify demand
- Craft a compelling offer
- Create true fans
- Generate lead
- Close sales
And much more.
Interested or want to learn more?
You have three options:
You can ask me any questions or setup up a call to discuss it further by replying to this email or DMing me on Twitter.
I can't wait to start the program. If you choose to join, I'm excited to help you build your dream business!